As singles, sometimes our focus can unknowingly be on finding someone to make us whole. In a world that places having a significant other on a pedestal, society can make us feel like there’s a problem with us if we are standing alone. Even the church sometimes makes an idol out of marriage, seeming to forget that Jesus Christ was single! Not only that, but it seems that St. Paul’s letters to the Corinthians focusing on singleness are not talked about much. Church events are more often than not geared toward families.
A relationship or marriage will not make you whole. You need to be secure in who you are as an individual. How do you become whole? You focus on a relationship with Christ. You seek an identity in your Creator, and not in one of His creations. Seek your identity as a unique child of God.
Isaiah 43:1 tells the children of God that “I have called you by name; you are Mine!”
Your spouse will be so blessed to have a spouse who knows who they are in Christ. You will not be needy and wanting them to fulfill your every need. Your spouse will never be able to fulfill all your needs. You will not be able to fulfill all their needs. If you are seeking Jesus Christ wholeheartedly, you are more likely to (in God’s time) attract the person who is seeking the same thing!
So, how do you become whole?
- Focus on your relationship with Jesus Christ. Focus on Jesus and not on finding a man or a woman. Pray to know Jesus in a new, fresh way. Read the Scriptures, especially the Gospels, carefully. You will get to know His heart and teachings. Spend time in Eucharistic Adoration and pour out your heart to Him. Also find like-minded people on the same journey.
- Forgive! Forgiveness is powerful. In the Lord’s Prayer, we ask that the Father “forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Often we hold onto hurts from the past. This holds us back. Resentment, bitterness, and anger make us emotionally and spiritually sick. They poison our relationships. Moving forward into marriage, you will need to learn to forgive. Your spouse will hurt you at times, and you will hurt them.
- Attend counseling. (As a future counselor, of course I have great faith in this tip!) A good counselor can help you walk into healing from the hurts of the past and present situations. They can give you outside insight and help you learn better how you function & how to function more healthy in the future. If you attend counseling, I recommend a Christian counselor. Secular counselors may not understand the integration of faith and its importance to healing, and may have recommendations that are not Christian.
- Learn self-care. The truth is that many of us need to learn better how to live healthy lifestyles. What does this involve? Feeding your body nourishing foods. It means getting enough rest and not pushing yourself too hard. It’s surrounding yourself with healthy people–and knowing yourself and your boundaries. Self-care is taking care of your mental and emotional health. Of course, I cannot leave out what was discussed earlier: a healthy prayer and spiritual life! Self-care looks different for each of us since we are all wired differently, but it ultimately comes down to this: a balanced life which does not neglect any aspect of ourselves.
Most of all, I want to leave you with this: Jesus Christ is THE greatest Love we will ever have. That love will follow us into eternity. Christ is the only One who will never hurt us! Find your wholeness in Him. No matter what life brings, your life being built upon Him will not steer you wrong! You will become the beautiful creation that He intended. You will become wholly yourself. Whole.